I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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