if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
