tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
