Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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