I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
