the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
