I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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