Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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