it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
