I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
