What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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