Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
