Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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