A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
