I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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