I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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