he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
