True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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