i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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