I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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