He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
