Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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