I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
