pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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