Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
