i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
