This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize