All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
this is an emotional support booty call
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
