dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
