Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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