I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize