Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
