i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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