in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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