And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
