I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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