WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
