He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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