Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
