You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
