i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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