my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
