I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
