Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
