Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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