I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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