it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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