the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
