Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
