My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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