i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
