she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
