ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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