considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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