Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
