I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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