So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
