TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
