From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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