ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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