there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize