OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so let's talk penis.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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