Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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