I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize