Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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