i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
