remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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