Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
