Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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