she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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