CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
