I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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