I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
